Why I'll Never Get a Job Writing Commercials
Zooming out on a pyramid of women in blue sequins. All but the top-most have curly blonde wigs. It isn't sexualized, but alludes to similar sexualized depictions. She,
the top-most, has a black wig on. Your perspective...excuse me, something in my teeth. The camera. The camera is zooming out slowly, showing more of the blondes in pyramid formation. Their arms are outstretched, bent at the elbows. Fingertips to elbows, "Ls" for the camera.
The top-most, blue-sequined but not blonde, hair not curled but not entirely straight, has her arms in reverse "L" formation. Remember, the camera is pulling back:
TOP-MOST: Is there a hole in you? There's a hole in me too.
[The phalanx switches their arms, "L" to reverse "L." The top-most reverses her reversed, to "L," as we recognize it. The reverse zoom continues.]
TOP-MOST: If you go down there to explore...
[They all switch again. The camera has nearly all of them in frame.]
[The blondes begin humming. Unison, wet power lines on a morning so quiet, you feel you're in danger because your headphones are at home on the counter. Is this an animal instinct?]
TOP-MOST: Be prepared to wear all sorts of crazy hats. What will the neighbors think? Awful things. I guarantee you.
[The blondes clap twice, resuming swiftly, immediately arbitrary consonant configuration.]
TOP-MOST: You may bring a coat if you like, but a coat won't do you any good.
[They reverse arms. How many Ls do you see? One or many? Does it make a difference how a sign is oriented? You recognize it, don't you? Feel the sound taking shape inside you, as though by command--]
TOP-MOST: It isn't that kind of cold. As a matter of fact. Enough time down there, it's warm compared to where you are.
[The zoom out is done. Is this even a sound stage? It's black all around. Is that even black? What is that? It's the color of alarm clock. Why can't I see the road? Am I driving awake? Does it matter whether or not I mentioned the background to room the pyramid was filmed in had violet plush walls, a circular amnesiac, that is valueless, clock with hands stopped at arbitrary 10 and 3 steering positions?]
[ANNOUNCER speaks over an immense void. If there was ever a sound stage, it only was 'cause you imagined it.]
ANNOUNCER: Introducing TOM MOST ® premium alkaline batteries! When it comes to your sex toys, why settle for less than the best?
[FADE TO BLACK]
D.S. West is a writer and artist from Colorado. His poetry has appeared in Gravel, Lunar Poetry, and Gambling the Aisle. His fiction has appeared in Loud Zoo, Thrice Fiction, and Crack the Spine. West enjoys spicy foods, walking aimlessly, and looks pretty damn good in women's clothing...assuming he's cleanshaven.